For Imprinters

here comes that kid eager an new
fresh into arts who knows what he could do
maybe he'll bite off more than he can chew
that kid was me, was he you?

First you're over the top
Then you're over your head
Then you start skipping class and doing Imprint instead
It feels like a mistaaake
leaving cornflakes at the office
but its where I'm eating breakfast
the coffee's better here.
The courses that we take
slide into periphery
till we hit that doom epiphany
that their deadlines all are near.

What is journalism but a choice
listen to me I'll tell you with an active voice

Fuck shit up.
Don't look back.
Just pay your fee
And we'll keep track

Its hard to say goodbye.

But I think I'll try.

to all those 79 issues that were
partially mine
left behind

To all those folk, stubborn as oak
eyes open wide
We are the 4th estate kind

No one makes us do it
They call it volunteering
but if this shit's so important,
why the fuck are you in engineering

WATCH YOUR BIAS, HA!

fuck shit up.
don't look back.






...I sure as fuck won't.

2006: A reminiscence

...you know what fuck 2006.




Come on, let's push this one to the limit.

The real true spirit of Hutzmas

In the slackjawed hustle and bustle of our tired-eyed blogospheric world, it's easy to forget the pristine pastoral pastimes of the past. Especially so, for the ones that never even existed. With school finishing everybody avidly exodousing campus, Hutzmas is quickly approaching, and the time for random contentment is at hand.

I think you guys have been with the program for long enough, that we'r all ready for a true Hutzmas, according to the ancient traditions that I made up. Although Hutzmas is officially on December 13th, one isn't supposed to actually celebrate anything then. Traditionally, the actual day of Hutzmas is met with apathy, it is, and rightfully should be, taken for granted, like most things in life. What follows, however is the 13 days of Hutzmas, in which we ponder upon the virtues inherent to Hutzmas, like thrift, and non-sequiters. Then on the 26th, which Christians call "Boxing Day," we celebrate.

Also, this Boxing Day marks a year since my little incident, which, incidentally, means my driver's license is no longer suspended. Plenty excuse to party. It'll be a spastic seizurebration!

Heartfully,
Darren

p.s. I am allowed to make that joke, once. I checked.

Dear Winter

Dear Winter,

Hi its me, December! Remember me? Aren't you supposed to be here? I mean, I heard about your one-night stand with november, but then you just up and vanished to Greenland or something, while I'm here in Waterloo waiting for snow. Fall is getting really old, its into pissing and I was cool with that for a while, but now its starting to irritate me. Look, I won't scold you for being late, just please come back and I'll forgive you.

Awaiting you desparately,
December

p.s. you really shouldn't get November's hopes up like that.

What a fucking pathetic fallacy...

I fucking hate this goddamned lack of winter. Why can't it go those extra couple degrees and turn the fucking cold-ass rain to snow so I can bike to school and not get soaked. Here I am, 20-25 minutes biking, 45 walking from campus with no jacket(which is a whole other ball of wax in itself), and a backpack with a busted zipper. Did I mention I absolutely have to be on campus? I've got to introduce Cory Woron at 3 PM and hand in an assignment at some point, which is on the computers in the Imprint office. The assignment is already 6 days late. "Mild winter" my ass... Its just a long, fucking cold fall. Fuck.

Know what time it is?

Other than 3:17 in the friggin morning.

Time to throw myself had at an extreme. Hard. Then I'll bounce towards the other. Tonight I sleep in the office. Tomorrow I finish 2 of them, Thursday, the third. Friday I'll "Clean up nice" and hit the staff lunch running. At the end of the night, I fall back down to where I bounced from and, free from the trifecta, I can formulate a less temporary solution. Or at least a bigger bandaid one. Its a good plan. See you all at the staff lunch. I will be wearing a (creased) suit.

Counting is fun!

I wonder how many movies I have seen in my entire life:

Braveheart, Wayne's World, Sin City, Office Space, Mystery Science Fiction Theatre 3000: the Movie, The Day After Tomorrow, Donnie Darko, Fight Club, Mars Invaders, E.T., End of Days, Terminator, Terminator 2, Titanic, Catch me if you Can, Edward Scissorhands, 40 Year old Virgin, High Fidelity, School of Rock, Grosse Point Blank.

And I'm bored, but I'll get back to this.
Count: 20

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